Sunday, 8 March 2015

Things keep going



It's good to smile, and it is good to see shafts of sunlight on the greenest moss in the woods. So often I see things in nature that I can hardly believe are accidental. Every day there is so much beauty. 

'Sometimes if you look you see'. 



Sunday, 22 February 2015

Love


That is what love looks like. That's my childrens uncle, my brother in law, and my two love him to pieces. And for years I have tried to rise above and ignore the vindictive words and actions directed at me and my little family from another, but I am now fighting back with love and kindness because that is the only way. It's not a story for here, or for public over sharing but how we respond to adversity and those that try to hurt and wound us is worth sharing. You keep on going and you keep the love at the fore front. So for anyone also going through hard times, who is hurting, aggrieved and wounded please keep on going. Nothing is made worse by forgiveness and love, of that I am absolutely sure. 

Sunday, 18 January 2015

Meanwhile




There is something intrinsic to a certain type of spiritual, naturalistic poetry that makes it touch so many people. And I am pretty certain that it is the same thing I find myself in the woods, and I can best describe it as the beautiful impermanence of nature. I can look at a patch of ivy covered in snow and it comforts me so much to know that at some point tomorrow that crackling white mantle will drip, drip away and the ivy leaves will dry and shine again in the winter sun. 

No matter how overwhelming life is there is always something in the green that springs from the earth that brings me back to a balanced perspective. 

Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
Are moving across the landscapes,
Over the prairies and the deep trees,
The mountains and the rivers. 

{Mary Oliver 'Wild Geese'}


Sunday, 14 December 2014

Seed Heads



Seed heads in their dessicated, skeletal beauty. There is something fey and otherworldly about their silent winter appearance. Today they swayed gently in the icy wind, my hand steadying them for a capture. If you teach yourself to stop and look, there is always something, even in the depths of winter within the hedgerows showing you it's simple charm. 

Monday, 8 December 2014

Where we are





It has been quiet on this blog for a while now. This year I changed jobs, a huge change for the better, and I have nearly finished the first module in a creative writing degree. The writing here on this blog started the move towards story writing for me. The writing here has been so valuable in developing me as a writer, and in me making writing a bigger part of my life. 

I've been thinking a lot recently about what makes us happy, what keeps us afloat and without a doubt for me it is making sure I do a range of things that add up to a whole, balanced individual self. I'm sure you get a sense of those things from my posts- they are varied and multiple. Some are robust and healthy like regular walks in the wood and others are off track and fragile as spider's webs. They are like a web, a complex knit together of activities, actions and things that when balanced make a little seam of happy. I'm sort of quite proud of that, that I have begun to realise I can take control of my life. And at the same time I'm desperately sad for those who through illness, sadness and pain remain without these feelings of hope. 

Writing plays a huge part in this for me. There is nothing like the small ripples in my brain when a person or a story or a feeling comes together on the page. I've always had this and I've always written, but the course has directed me to actually persevere and I can now write stories, proper stories with real people in them, with a beginning and a middle and an end. They also aren't all heartbreaking, some of them are actually quite hopeful and dare I say redemptive. 

If I am brave enough I will post one soon. 












Friday, 17 October 2014

Work Done






Celebrating writing another short story and the weekend! Also the beautiful colours around just now. 

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Autumn




'Autumn leaves are brown and gold, brown and gold, brown and gold. Autumn leaves are brown and gold- in my garden'.

I have been feeling like there is a little bit of Autumn in my heart. I've avoided age and mortality for years now but all of a sudden, a single significant birthday and it's here, right inside me those brown and gold colours. I'm all of a sudden tired, everyone is always younger than me, wrinkles, becoming invisible. I could go on in the same self obsessed lamenting for hours if you would let me. But... Today in the woods, where I always seem to get an epiphany of sorts, it just clicked. I can't be me without the years. I can't be a wife, a mother to my flame haired rascals, a writer, a person trying hard to discover grace and compassion wherever she goes- I can't be that person without having lived what I have lived. It is a truth so simple and searing that I missed it entirely. I've been a 'someone' to people I have loved and still love. I've written off bad decisions (and bad men) with 'rather it happened that it didn't', I've hurt some people terribly but I have survived it all and I am sure I have always been forgiven. If not in the hearts of everyone I've touched, I know in the heart that ultimately matters. 

I'm still sad to see time spinning by and I'm always willing it to slow for one more 'squeeze cuddle', one more sticky little hand in mine. I'm still buying eye cream for the first time and I'm still lowering the length of my skirts. But there has been so much up until now, and God willing there will be so much more to come.